liz, this is not your first post about your current relationship. in fact it is one of many where you have struggled, complained, vented, theorized or discussed the virtues - or lack thereof.
back in 2015:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ship-woes.html
a year ago:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-settling.html
10/2016:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nsiveness.html
12/2016:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ngs-my-bf.html
02/2017:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ntentment.html
04/2017:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ing-tough.html
and today's reveal about being in contact with another man. while you have used lots of words to defend how wonderful your BF is, which i don't doubt, and a lot of words to defend how "happy" you are, how "good" things are, it has always sounded echoe-y and a bit false. like you are saying what you think you should be saying, not saying what you really and truly FEEL and THINK. IMHO you have never sounded that capital H happy - you sound like someone who found "good enough, i'll camp here for a while if you don't mind, thanks".
if it was all THAT great and you were THAT fulfilled, you wouldn't be distracted by ANY compliments, come ons, or curve balls thrown your way. your relationship has always sounded a little Machiavellian to me....but what do i know?