Originally Posted by
SparkleKitty 
I can only speak for myself, but I kept chasing that high of being demonstrably wanted--despite being in relationships with good people who were good for me--until I realized that I could not be satisfied with an external relationship until my relationship with myself was solid and unwavering, and until I did the work to have that. I needed to be on my own to have and do that, and to stop wasting other people's time and energy while I got my act together.
This Liz, right here^^
You moved pretty quickly into this relationship & also into blending your families by living together fairly early, right?
By early I mean - without giving yourself REAL time alone to truly find YOU. I truly, sincerely, without question, think this is a critical piece of our self-evolution. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you, right? It should be the Best Version of You.
I hear all the good points about your BF that you list but I wonder, are you ignoring feelings of obligation, guilt, people-pleasing (even if it's a different kind, for different reasons than it has been in your codependent past)? You are obviously grateful to him for a lot, but is that enough?
Was there a reason you didn't pursue a relationship with this guy after your marriage ended? 25 years is a long time, and it makes me wonder if he's in love with the
idea of you vs. the
reality of who you are. I'm wondering if you've wanted to try this relationship out for a long time & were just never brave enough to try or even ADMIT it out loud to yourself? Maybe you didn't even realize that about yourself until recently & that's what is contributing to your confusion?