LoveHurt

Update:

My AH was recently Baker Acted and placed in a state funded "recovery" place. Of course beds are hard to come by so that only lasted about 1 week. Although if you remeber that was after his 30 days inpatient. He has been home now 2 1/2 weeks. He is doing and saying all the right things right now. He has been attending AA everyday. He has a sponsor and has been working through some steps. He is attempting to be open and honest and to express his thoughts with me. However......I am so disconnected that it is not affecting me like I always pictured if I were ever in this position. Had this all happened 2 or 3 years ago it would have struck me as a miracle and I would have been overjoyed. Now I am flat... I am emotionless, defeated and scared.

Fast forward: I am sticking with my request that he find a place to live. He does not want to but is willing. He asked the other day if it was a permanent movement or can we just take a year. My response was we could take a year because honestly what is another, but my heart tells me I am done. I did express that I had spoken with lawyers and have considered a divorce. Tonight my 10 year old DS came to me in tears upset that he does not want dad to leave. After I tried to explain all the obvious, that he would still see him all the time and that we are just not happy in the same house, DS proceeded to say that "dad was happy in the house." To which I said but mommy has been hurt, and his response was that "dad is better." Grrr......Of course! And now mom's the bad one because a 10 year old doesn't realize the crap his mom has gone through for years. But dad gets better for 2 weeks and now he's the hero.

Anyway, thanks for listening!!

Does anyone have firsthand experience with dealing with their young kids in a similar experience?

Also, do you think it possible to be able to rehab myself with a 1 year separation and not divorce right yet?

Thanks xoxo