Originally Posted by
Ugnius 
I'm not sure I can walk into AA drunk (which I am all the time now
).
Yesterday I had an honest converasation with my brother about my drinking (he had noticed, what a surprise), he really encouraged me, but also told me it's not that big of a deal - it is! It is ruining my life. I just feel so helpless, and as you've said - I'm doing this to myself.
Have a look at the days and times and pick a meeting as early in the day as possible. Alternatively give the hotline number a call and explain your predicament and they may be able to send a couple of people round to you for a chat initially.
I know plenty of people who first came to AA having had enough to drink to steady their hands etc. Not drunk as such, but had had a drink.
Listening to the experience strength and hope you will find in the rooms of AA might help you to stay sober an hour, and a day at a time. It has for thousands and thousands of others.
Why do you want to stop drinking? Perhaps write yourself a list that you can keep referring to throughout the day, and add to it as things occur to you as well. You could include how it affects your finances, your relationships, work, home life, health. Thing is, when the addictive voice starts kicking in and rationalizing (i.e. making excuses) for taking that first drink we tend to forget ALL those reasons we want / need to stop. Reading that list before you take a sip might make you less succeptable to the AVs lies.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB