Flat on my face.
Quite literally as well as figuratively. Came home drunk, 25 days ago. Had been 'trying to quit' once again, for a while, just getting hammered this one last time... Ad infinitum. Picked up my best friend, my dog, he's 15 and blind as a bat, wanted to take him out to pee. Lost my balance, luckily I caught myself and my dog, albeit with my nose. Blood everywhere. Still I consider myself lucky because didn't break anything, didn't hurt my dog, no one saw me and have been sober since.
And I'm doing OK, I guess! Started cleaning the house, bit by bit. This may take a while though but that's alright. Didn't become this messy overnight either. Finished a 1500pc puzzle yesterday which seems to be really helping with being mindful. Reading some books, for fun as well as studying at home to be a farrier.
My pets have been a blessing through this. I have dogs and a pony so plenty to do each day. I own a small pond with 6 goldfish. It was really filthy last year when I moved into this house, cleaned it up completely, and now my fish are so happy they decided the time was right to have babies. Lots of babies. They barely ate any of them so my pond is overstocked to say the least and I have been obsessing over them for a few weeks now, trying to clean up after the wee ones. Bought a pump, installed a helophyte filter, changed water, fought algae, and now trying to find proper homes so they can go on to lead happy lives and not spend their lives cramped up in a small, dull tank, or, heaven forbid, a bowl. I don't have children but feel like a mommy and it's really helping me keep my mind off of booze and pot. Feeding time is the best time of every day.
Yesterday I had an intake for OP treatment, and decided it might be smart to check in here as well. Family and friends aren't much help. I have some (well, lots of) trauma brewing underneath the surface but I can't really seem to reach my emotions right now. This might be a blessing but I guess it will come out at some point. For now, I just have horrid nightmares. Other than that, it's fine. No pink cloud, no depression (no more than usual, anyway), no soul crushing shame (yet?), just good enough for now. Guess I'll reach out when I need it and in the meantime just try to check in, and maybe even be of some help to others.
Thanks for reading!