Originally Posted by
icoi87 
I just can't get past step one. I don't understand why. I can say it, but I can't really accept it.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Any encouragement much appreciated.
I can share my experience with the quoted part above because I recall saying the exact same thing - "I just cannot accept this!"
With the clarity of hindsight, here's what I was really saying, "This idea that I'm a real alcoholic runs so contrary to what I WANT, that I just refuse to believe it." Similar to the stages of grief that have had much written about them - my first step is to deny reality as such. I'll hold onto what I
hope things will be, what I think they
should be so tightly that I can flat out disregard what they actually are. My next step was typically say, "Well, I can see they kinda look like that now but really there's a lot more going on than you all can see so while it looks like X or Y.......it's really A or B."
Not to beat the specific wording to death but thank God the 1st step doesn't ask me to ACCEPT anything. If I accept my alcoholism then why the hell do anything to stop it, alter it, end it? Just accept it and find a way to live with it, ya know? Instead I'm asked if I can ADMIT it......if I can see reality for what it is (assuming I'm alcoholic of course) and once done, to NOT ACCEPT that fate and instead seek the solution.
Hope that helps.