Thanks D...
As time separates the last "big" event, I am feeling stronger. Last year, it took me down for weeks. He has already sent a message that he loves me and sorry........ with little recollection of actions.
I just wrote back that health is in sobriety and I don't want to hear from him until he is walking in sobriety. Of course, insulted ensued, name calling, threats, etc..... It won't be the last I hear from him.
One day at a time. My son took me aside and told me that I"m not the same woman that raised him, that I have let this man squelch my spirit. That is so very sad, that I have let this happen, fallen prey to the insanity and tried to live and make sense of it.
It gets to a point where one can identify with trying to save a drowning person and how awful it is to let go, instead of save them. Heart wrenching to say the least. My effort is to listen to the people that love and care about me in a healthy way and trust that letting go of this relationship will bring me strength I forgot I had. Thanks for listening.