Thank you for all of your well wishes, everyone. It is so nice to be able to share with people who know, firsthand, how absolutely crucial it is to have victories like this.
My mediation appointment is in a week, so I went back to the dv shelter for more advice from the attorney, and I received good news and bad news.
The good news: According to the family code in California, the judge usually
cannot give physical or legal custody to the person who committed domestic violence, so it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that the mediator will recommend full custody for me. I suppose I should call this PHENOMENAL news!
The bad news: In response to me asking whether I should use child support as a bargaining chip to avoid going to trial, the lawyer said, "Oh, I hope you're not under any illusions about this: you are going to trial. He will definitely contest." Ugh... she doesn't even know him, of course, but she knows him in the way that they're all the same, these abusive, alcoholic narcissists. And I know she's right. He won't back down. He wants control. And I'll have to spend thousands to make sure he NEVER gets it.
Now, I'm left contemplating my plan of attack. She told me exactly what to add to my list of wishes: 1-2 supervised visits per week for up to two hours with a professional supervisor to be paid for 100% by him with no alcohol consumption eight hours prior to visits and random hair follicle drug testing. She also prepared me for how to handle his rebuttals. She said I do not have to be compromising because it is an issue of safety for my daughter. I feel good now, but I can already feel the anticipation and anxiety mounting. Any advice and/or hugs are always appreciated.
On a side note, AXBF tried contacting my best friend through Facebook yesterday. She ignored him, so I'll never know what he wanted, but my guess is he wanted her to "talk some sense into me." A part of me thought, just let him try to relay a message to me through her, which would totally be a violation of the "no contact" order, but then I realized, he'll find some other way to keep digging a deeper hole out to climb out of.
It still amazes me. All he needed to do, and all he still needs to do, is just get some help, and none of this would be happening. It seems so simple (operative word: seems).