Thanks. I hadn't thought of it as trying to control my actions (I was thinking of it more as him trying to get hold of Kid more, and/or set things up so I would look bad in arbitration if I said no), but the control-your-ex thing is a whole new perspective. Since we've been apart for years, the only way he can get at me now is through Kid (especially since I quit responding to drunken emails). He can now "make" me drive over to his place and hang around awkwardly. And that is pretty close to the way I believe he would think of it.
I may indeed have been too lenient with boundaries. I am entitled to not have my evenings taken up with Kid visiting her father, especially as the reason why I have to take Kid to see her father is not of my doing. And in general the less time Kid spends around an alcoholic who bad-mouths her mother and his meth girlfriend, the better. If he wants to see Kid more, it should be on him to come up with ways to make that possible.