When I was with my ABF, I found it helpful to evaluate the relationship based on my experience in the relationship, not on whether & how much he drank or what all he got up to when he drank. How I felt every single day about him, myself and our interactions was what became my guide. Al-Anon has been very helpful for me in getting my focus off of his behaviors, his words. concerns over how bad off he may or may not be - and keeping it on my own experience of myself and the relationship. When I focused on my experience in the relationship and wasn't thinking so much about his drinking, I got into a much better mental position to make choices for myself that were healthy. I can't recommend Al-Anon highly enough.