I understand what you are going through. I entertained a stupid thought yesterday that I could drink normally after nearly 9 months sober.
I can't!
All we can do is get back on the horse and keep working on sobriety.
The last 9 months have been wonderful and I am not about to lose that happiness by drinking myself into oblivion.
You can stop, it just takes practice and plans. I let my plans slide and I am not doing that again.
Good luck to you
