hills

Hi SR,

I've been reading this site for 2 years knowing that my binge drinking has been spiralling out of control. I've always been a problem drinker but since moving overseas and starting a PhD it has gotten much much worse. I thought moving away might help improve my binge drinking because it would get me away from the friends I used to party with, but how wrong I was. Academia is full of heavy drinkers and free booze is available at every meeting/conference/event. I can go weeks or even months without drinking but as soon as I have that first drink there is a strong change I will make an idiot of myself, completely blackout and wake up at home in bed with zero memory of getting there. I've thrown up in my sleep without waking up, wet the bed, had hangovers lasting 5 days, been swollen for days after a binge and gained a lot of weight. The worst part about my binge drinking is the crippling depression that follows a heavy binge, I feel incapable of getting out of bed to participate in life. I know I am probably an alcoholic but the label isn't really important to me. I have a career I am passionate about, a husband I love and a life that's so much better than I ever could have imagined but I feel unworthy of it and am on the edge of losing it all because I can't control my drinking. I've tried to quit before only to build up a week or two of sobriety and relapse because I think I can drink normally if I just learn to moderate. I'm 3 days sober today and any advice or support would be very welcome.