aliciagr

Ive already told him Im afraid to make a commitment because it will just cause more pain if things dont work out. We spent months both doing therapy, and marriage counseling. Things were in a good place between us, and then I found out he had cheated and decided not to tell me that part. I understand what a miserable choice he had to make on telling me or not. Just sucks it all happened, and it opened the wounds again for me.

He has responded as well as he can I guess. Says the things he did were unforgivable, but he still hopes I can forgive him and fully trust him again one day.

I think he will keep going to therapy regardless of what I do. Its based on things he says he wants for himself, and expressing a lot of regret over his past choices, how he couldnt handle his emotions and it scares him. I think he feels like he worked hard and was in a good place with his overall life, and then he himself trashed it.

Yes on everything. Its important for me to find myself and be true to my beliefs, values. I think as long as I have that, and a good support system then I will be ok regardless of what happens with him. I actually was happy with husband version 1.0 in terms of how he treated me and the relationship we had. But, he has always had a lot going on inside with his emotions, and has never found peace, or fully accepted and liked himself for who he is, not for what others think about him. A lot of it comes from the emotional dysfunction he grew up with in his family. Says he has to work through it for himself, and he also doesnt want to pass any of that on to our child.

I havent had too much of that problem yet, but I do have swelling in my ankles which is so weird. They are both puffy and nothing makes it go away. Ive gained weight which makes me feel ugly. My skin has broke out some which makes me feel ugly. Been noticing some of my hair is coming out in the brush, went to get it trimmed, and the stylist asked me about it, and I hadnt even mentioned it to her. She then began asking all about my health which was funny. I am going to ask the Dr next appt. I sure dont want to be bald with everything else going on.

XXXX

Thanks for all the posts from everyone else.

Thanks for the comments on the pen cylinder. I was temped to question him but felt it wasnt right because it was odd but nonspecific. I also know that while maybe he could hide coke use for a while, he wouldnt be able to do it very long without getting sloppy.

Im trying to take things slow. I dont like limbo either, and my whole life is that way right now. Every aspect and its uncomfortable. (marriage, baby, a place to live, my career). But I realized this is the first time Ive ever had in my adult life where Ive been able to focus just on my feelings, and thinking about what I want for my future. Im trying to appreciate what I have, and the opportunities that lie ahead. There is a lot to be said for how you frame things in your mind. Like, I have to do this vs. I get the opportunity to do this.

Loving the Christian counseling sessions. A lot of accountability has been placed on us both. In our faith, the husband is technically supposed to the head of the household. My husband was told everything went wrong because he was not understanding what an awesome responsibility this is, and told he didnt have his priorities straight. His house crumbled because of it. He was praised for trying to rebuild the footings of his own life, and that of his family. I was told it was unwise to accept someone as head of my home who didnt represent my values, or honor me. We get to go again tomorrow !