Thanks Hopeful and Needabreak.
The hard part for me is sorting through the choices I have to make, and balancing it with my feelings. There is no way to tell what will happen in the future, but I guess as in the title of my thread here, there are red flags simply because of the issues he’s dealing with, and looking at past behavior. I know this means it could lead to a whole lot of pain and trouble down the road.
I know a large number of people have went down that road, and are here because it led to pain and loss. Whenever Ive gone to meetings or explored other support online its basically the same and its an eye opener. But at the same time, I also know the majority of people only reach out for support when things are causing them pain, or there is a need for support to make hard decisions, or travel through a divorce.
Its also something to acknowledge that this site it full of really good people who have faced their own addictions and are now doing well and have happy and healthy lives. Its fascinating to read from other sections of this site, because overall even those who are in the depths of trying to change and beat an addiction - Most feel optimistic about their future, and oh so many say they want to be healthy, have a happy marriage and be there for their children. In this section alone, many have dealt with their own substance abuse issues, and other emotional traumas. I think about that too because at one point the red flags in their own lives, no doubt waved a lot brighter than the white ones did.
So while there may not be an abundance of family members logging on to say it was hard for a while but now things are great. It cant be denied that it happens in as just a large amount of numbers as those who have had it all go wrong. I think sometimes it feels wrong to say that here. Because there is a fear someone will be in an unhappy or dangerous situation and stating this fact will influence or encourage them to stay in their own situation longer and endure more pain? I feel like the truth is we have to look at things the way they are currently and make decisions based on our own needs and feelings.
And while Im confused and often tired. I dont feel really unhealthy in my thought process. Although others may ! lol Im trying to take things slow and I dont know what else to do because my mind and my heart are not in a place to say I know for a fact I dont want him as my husband anymore.
As an example of what I am trying to figure out right now. Our house in the other state has been for sale for a while now. We had a full price offer recently but they wanted us to comp some money for a couple renovations we had not yet finished. We are close to selling it if not to these people then someone else. Another house in the area where my parents live is going to be on market soon, and my husband is interested in it and wants to see if he can cut a deal before its listed. A great family home, and it would be so nice to be living as a family before the baby arrives, but is it too soon? I also worry about the baby because while things seem better now, I struggle with allowing myself to have happy expectations. I wake up and feel good, and then after a few seconds these decisions and worries pop into my mind.
Im trying to take care of myself, relax, do things I enjoy. My mom said she thinks its normal to want to "nest" and prepare your home before a baby arrives. She has been so helpful and we have been having a lot of good talks, and end up get into some kind of mischief together most days.
I do learn a lot being a part of the group here, and it helps give perspective which I appreciate even if its not obvious.