Stacey
Interesting posts - all of them a cry for help. Believe it or not, you have all the problems of the average college student, with the disease of alcoholism thrown in. I found it interesting your description of the problems at school, b/f, etc. Except that mine where with girlfriends and not b/f, you pretty much discribe my college life, except fortunately I dispised alcohol while in college, I did not start with alcohol until my mid thirties. I can only image what you are going through, all the problems of college with all the anxiety that alcoholism causes thrown in. Plus you are stuck in the typical "party" drinking scene college provides. My advice having been there, done that - stop stressing so much over the typical problems of college, alot of your inablilty to cope, as you well know is your alcoholism. Keeping yourself down to one drink in an evening - contrary to your thoughts, this is a great accomplishment. Any alcoholic that can limit their drinking, through any means, ie "only took $10, designated driver" should continue taking these steps. It actually shows that you do in fact have some control over your problem, I sure you have read that alot of alcoholics cannot control their problem through any means.
Also - GET YOUR SH#T TOGETHER. By this I mean get on top of your problems instead of your problems being a lead weight. YOU ARE YOUNG. If your b/f is not supportive, perhaps get a new boyfriend. How many bf/gf's does the average college student go through?? I believe I went through at least 50 gf's in my college days. All your other problems, as I said typical, you are no different than 90% of the other college kids out there.(The other 10% being those damn overachievers) As to the alcoholism, as every one has told you, it is a day to day struggle, just as it was a day to day slide into alcoholism. Keep trying, if you do have to drink, do everything you can to force yourself to limit - every alcoholic has been there, the day 1's 2's etc again and again. The only other thing I can suggest is read my post dated 2/24. You have to realize that the craving your body gets are for more than alcohol, if you address the other craving's, the cravings for alcohol will be much less, and you will feel so much better it will make getting off alcohol that much easier.