hello, i don't have any experience with active duty issues, but i did want to welcome you.
He is not your normal alcoholic. secret drinking, dui, job loss, discharged from the military due to drinking, anger at YOU.....those are all classic signs.
He really treats me like a queen. except he LIED to you the entire relationship, hid a serious problem from you, now fights with you all the time and has most recently refused to talk to you.
this is all a lot to take in. you are wise to not push, to not power phone, to let him be. this gives YOU a break, time to think things thru. do you have access to counseling...it might be good to have a professional to talk to in a protected setting.