Oh Kenton!
You see ... we are not weird for feeling like people leave our lives. We may have pushed some out with or during our alchohlism, but people drift in and out of everyone's life. I have one friend that I knew from 4 years old on, but our contact sometimes goes dormit for years. Then we will be close for a year or 2. The girl that joined us at about 7 drifted out of my life, then showed up in AA years later and told me that she always remembered that I brought her a big book when she was in the hospital years ago and the seed was planted. I haven't seen her since. Another friend of ours at age 7 and on also comes in and out of my life.
Also, My friend Connie told me once that hardly anyone visited her after it was clear she was dying. Although it made her sad, it didn't make her mad. She told me that "people just don't know how to deal with you when they know you are dying". I suspect the same is true for those women. Some people just don't know what to say to us or how to be with us once we are sober. Others who were friends sober couldn't figure out how to be a friend if I was drinking.
In that respect I don't think it is personal. These people would have the same problem if the sober one was the best person in the world.
I'm glad the mindfulness helped you. It always is amazing to me when I re-discover that my mind is sometimes a liar!
I'm sure you are in bed right now. Steely and Poppy will just now be getting around and I think Kev is probably in bed too. Peace, I don't know what time you go by...so not sure if you are waking up or sleeping or getting ready for dinner
. But I sure am glad you are joining us!