aliciagr

There is a whole range of alcohol abuse and although people can identify themselves as an "alcoholic", its best to work with a doctor with knowledge in addiction to help determine whats going on. But in general Id say there is a problem if you are suffering consequences due to drinking and your not seeing it. One of the symptoms of alcohol abusing is denial that there is a problem. Addiction happens in the brain as well as the body... Whatever is going on with him, its also a problem because his behavior is making you unhappy, and it sounds like its putting your marriage in danger. I never labeled my husband, but his behavior was not tolerable for me when he was using.

In your post above you asked should you mention treatment? I would say yes, but its not so easy. When someone is in denial of a problem, how do you get them to seek help for what that dont see, or arent ready to accept?

I feel that anytime you are dealing with substance abuse, its better to deal with it, and seek professional help sooner rather than later. I dont believe change always happens like a brick falling.. its more of a process in my opinion.

I started seeing a doctor who worked in addiction medicine for therapy when things were bad with my husband. He had me study the process of change model.. its basically the same process regardless of what it is a person wants to change in their life.

I was told to try and avoid having conversations when my husband was using substances, or coming down, in one of those moods. Also to not guilt, or put him in a defensive mode because no one is very responsive when they feel like they are under attack. I think honesty comes into play..and some skill in communicating. We cant change people because thats an internal process. But we do influence people, especially those we are close to. We cant cure substance abuse, but we can encourage change and we can encourage the use of medical professionals who are trained to motivate people along the cycle of change.

You dont have to do anything except take good care of yourself. I had to put thought into what I could accept, and what I couldnt. I isolated mostly because of shame and that was a huge mistake. If you have family or friends who might be a support to you, then consider reaching out to them. It made me feel a LOT better.

You might check and see if the therapy from school would allow you to have a place for talk therapy, discuss your feelings, work on communication, learn the process of change, help you learn what your deal breakers are... Basic things even a student therapist should be able to help with. And there are lots of resources out there to help you learn about the medical facts of substance abuse, treatment options, role of family, and taking care of yourself and your emotions. And also family therapy/marriage counseling might help. Its not about fixing him, but more about helping with expressing your needs and feelings, and understanding his. Change for both of you can begin so many ways. I have some books my therapist suggested, send me a message if you would like these. I did a lot of reading this past year !

Congrats on your schooling. I know it must not be easy with the anxiety issues you mentioned.