Tealily this really hits home with me....
I've posted here a few times. Back 4 years ago and then just recently. I'm 47 and I know I need to stop. But I haven't yet
I started drinking in high school, graduated and joined the Navy and HOE-BOY did it get crazy then! The military and alcohol are like PB and Jelly. It's everywhere. Then I ended up marrying a marine and BOY do they know how to drink! And the wives? The base wives club is one big party every day that ends in Y and all weekend long. Anyway, I too quit totally during my 2 pregnancies. Didn't even want it. By 40 years old, I was still super healthy, competing in fitness and drinking heavily about 1/2 the time (6 months out of the year I cut way back and the other half it was most of the time). I think the competition dieting made the addiction of wine just like food; when I was allowed to have it back in, I went crazy with it.
So now we've retired, moved, my mom died and we are struggling to pay for our new house. My boys are 14 and 10 and starting to understand. I've found myself almost unable to NOT drink anymore. A bottle of wine a night doesn't even phase me the next day. I'm so sick of the shame.... afraid that my boys are starting to notice my passing out on the weekends. The anxiety and hot flashes.... who knows if it's hormones too?
I'm just really glad you posted about this. I'm still in the mindset that I can "control" this. I just won't do it Mon-Fri. Just do it when everyone goes to sleep and I can watch the RHOC. But then my weekends are just ruined with hangovers and regret. I've went so far as to search out AA meetings here. I know where they are and what time. But what if I see someone I know? I haven't said a peep to my husband this time. He's a marine who thinks it's just mental weakness. He's seen me so strong for 20plus years, he doesn't think I have a problem. "Just stop" is his solution. I haven't told anyone any of this. Just here.
Sorry to hijack your thread. I actually private messaged you when I read your first post a couple weeks ago. You sound so much like me.
