New and needing advice-explaining parent addiction to spouse
Hey all! I'm new here (found y'all through a google search-"is it ok to disconnect from an addicted parent") and grateful for some of the advice I've already read through. But I'm in a weird situation, because, while I'm the child of addicts (one in recovery and one, not so much) my husbands parents are the cleavers. (No joke, they're the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful, faithfully grounded and family focused). He is having a hard time understanding what I'm going through and I'm just tired. The backstory:
My mother is an addict. She spent time in jail for forgery (stole prescription pads to forge scrips for darvaset) when I was 4, my parents divorced when I was 5. My dad struggled with narcotics and alcohol, but got clean (and has stayed clean) just before my mom went to prison. I lived with my dad after she got out of prison (my brother, who was 6 months when she went to jail, lived with her) until I was in high school. I can remember finding spoons with burn marks and powder and knowing exactly what it was. Which brings about a lot of anger. But regardless.
About a year ago, my mother called me in tears. My aunt had kicked her out of the house she was living (my aunt owned) and she needed a place to stay. Honestly, I thought she was over the bull, so I let her stay with us. She got to know my children. I helped her get a job. And then I found the needles and pills. In my bedroom, where my children could have found and touched or eaten (I have a 2 and 5 year old). I kicked her out immediately.
So here's where I'm having trouble. My husband wants to talk about things. He thinks I shouldn't be so hard on her because "she's your mother", but I want NOTHING to do with her. It's been almost a year since I kicked her out and she's tried to reach out to me and he doesn't understand why I'm so disconnected from her and why I won't "at least try" to have a relationship (she's claiming sobriety, but has yet to acknowledge what she's done wrong or apologize). I feel like I'm fighting myself and my husband. how do you explain to someone you love, who has no experience with the hurt addiction has caused, why you want to disconnect?