DD lovely to see you, just sorry to hear of your troubles. Like your wife and the wonderful Sass, i had fertility problems. I fell pregnant only to miscarry twice. I was with the first Mr T then, and all our friends were drunks, yet they had no problem dropping kids. My bffs wife who was a total psycho drunk and my Sil ditto both got pregnant and i was so resentful and hurt! How could the fates give children to women who were already neglectful mothers - in my sils case aslo abusive but i never knew the extent of that at the time- when i had a heart as big as texas yet couldnt fall. It seemed so unfair. I spent years feeling hurt confused and angry, and i know i drank to help with the hurt even though at that time i wasnt yet dependent on alcohol.
Adoption was not a possibility because my husband was a drunk, and i had issues with ivf, i believed if it was meant to happen it woudl happen naturally.
If i had a choice, i would have fostered or adopted an older child in need of love.
There are so many young children out there who drop through the adoption net because they are a little too old or too much trouble - or mixed race, which i believe a child of yours would be?- does the 10 year rule still apply to older adoption? I find that harsh when most of these kids just need love and care.
As to the job, oh DD, Sass said it earlier. Life is just too short to spend it doing the wrong thing. No one lies on their death bed and says 'i wished i'd worked more' . Think of this: if youre wife had fallen pregnant already, how much quality time would you spend with her during the pregnancy? Would you watch your child grow or would his/her daddy seem like a stranger?
I feel you need to think seriously about your work/life balance. Financial security is important, but it isnt everything. You need to have time to enjoy your family, and have time to do things just for yourself. I feel you either need to put a specific timetable in place for how many years you will work these kind of hours, therefore having something to look forward to and be working towards, or you need to consider taking a job that gives you far less financially but but a much better home life.
Would you consider moving away from NY to take a lower paid job living in a town or city with a lower cost of living for example?
You have much to think on, but i suggest you do do some deep thinking, before you wake up and like Sass, feel life has gotten away from you. X