Hey guys,
Sorry if this post is a downer but I need to get something out.
My wife is struggling with fertility issues. Without getting into details, the top specialist in our area gave us a 2-5% of getting pregnant naturally. Of course my wife blames herself and feels like a failure, even though it's not her fault and she did nothing wrong. None of the options on the table are easy. We're seeing an IVF specialist in New York in a couple of weeks. We're talked about egg donation, but my wife doesn't feel comfortable birthing a child that isn't genetically hers. We've even had tough conversations about what we would do if the fetus has chromosomal abnormalities like Down's Syndrome. The whole situation is overwhelming and exhausting.
The worst part is that adoption is off the table for now because I don't have enough sober time. Most agencies want 10 years of sobriety, though I think we could at least get in the door when I have 5 years. But no guarantees a birth mother would want to place with a recovering alcoholic. I clearly messed that option up and feel horrible about it.
I'm also worn out from work. I got promoted to a leadership role, which is great in terms of financial security, but the travel and hours are hard on both of us. I also feel like I just don't have anyone to talk to about this except my wife and our therapist. It feels like everyone around us is pumping out kids with reckless abandon. I can't even go on Facebook anymore because I get jealous of my friends' pictures of their babies.
I know the first year of marriage is supposed to be tough, but we weren't expecting to have to deal with all of this. We're supposed to be in our honeymoon phase but most of our conversations are just depressing because these decisions are on a tight timetable.
I think at this point, both of us just need some hope.