im 8 months sober from alcohol and xanax abuse....its been hell, its not easy at all...in fact its been worse than ever....but im fighting through it....u gotta find that will power to get through it, i think thats the toughest for many of us...the anxiety and panic is ridiculous...ive had 2 panic attacks so far in my 8 months, had to go to the ER. one of them was recently, thought i was having a heart attack or dehydration. nope, just pure panic. i understand u dont want it on ur medical records, but at this point thats probably one of the things holding u back. Alcohol abuse is not uncommon, its actually pretty freakin common in todays world...but u gotta understand that there will always be haters, or people that will have something to say because of ur past, or mistakes, thats a given. but atleast in the end ull be able to say that u got through it and out of it, and will be able to help someone else later....people are gonna talk no matter what u do, u gotta focus on urself and the will the get out of the hole ur in...cuz the longer u keep urself in there, the deeper the hole is gonna get, and the harder it is going to be later to get out. just keep ithat in mind. fight for ur freedom brother. it wont be easy, give it about a year long fight....