Thanks you two, not sure I can forgive this, i'm trying in my way. I think for now avoidence is my best bet to not allow myself to blow a fuse. He gets home around 8pm here and i'll take off for work, that's the best I can do for today. Pmaslan, I realize that he cannot NOT drink. I'm grateful he doesn't pee, just passes out, but it's easy for him to hide how screwed up he is. I just want him to realize that as well. I'm not angry because I'm trying to control him, I'm angry because this is damaging to him and us. I shouldn't go looking, and I could say i cannot help it, but the fact is that I can.
I guess in the past I always gave the benefit of the doubt. Said I would do this or that and never did, I've made it impossible to take myself seriously along with anyone else, I'm a joke to most now. Looking at just myself, I need to take myself and my life seriously and I'm not sure where to start. As far as he's concerned, I have to let it go and feel like in doing that I'm again not taking what I need and want seriously...
Thank you again for pointing out the obvious to me, it is so greatly appreciated. Good to see you back here achb and glad you are doing well.
hugs,
~faithchaser