I am sorry for what your going through. Its all very horrible. Words fall very short to describe it.
I'm not giving you advice. I'm just relating to you what I have been telling myself. I am currently trying my best to deal with it:
Trust your gut feeling & your head on this. The heart will try its best to convince me otherwise.
Watch for denial to sneak back in & try to take over. Be aware of the "oh its all not that bad is it?" stop that foolish thinking when it starts to happen. Step back look at the realistic big picture. Yes its bad!
I am sick with all of this just like they are. I know I need help.
This is not a happy healthy relationship. Its a complete mess & will always be that way. I want a happy healthy relationship. I deserve that in my life. My life will be wonderful if I find it.
Do not put trust in their words alone (or at all). Look closely at their actions. True recovery looks like recovery.
I am not alone. Its not just me. There are many others going through this at the same time as me. I have issues to resolve but I am not crazy.
I can continue to love her & care about her - but from a far distance.
Please take care of yourself.