bnegc

Hi.

I posted a couple of days ago about my fiancé revealing he had a meth addiction. I'd hoped rock bottom would make him see that he needed to change. It didn't, and he used again, so I called it off.

Since then I've moved most of my stuff out, I've cancelled our upcoming lease, cancelled the removalists, told his mum and best friend (who I was speaking to about it). I think it only hit him once he got home and saw everything gone.

He's really, truly crushed. On the phone he can barely speak through sobbing. It's so so hard. He tells me he loves me more than anything, that he'd do anything for me, that he'd quit and go to counseling and meetings and do weekly drug tests and whatever else I wanted. He says it's not worth losing me, that the emotional pain he's in makes him want to die. He says he's disgusted at the way he's acted and horrified by the things I've told him. He keeps telling me it wasn't him, that it will never be him again. He tells me how all he wants in life is to get married and have the life we'd always spoken about.

I believe his intentions are good. But they've been good before and he's gone right back on his promises after a few months. I know deep down I don't believe him when he says he'll never touch drugs again and I don't believe him when he says he wants to have a life without them. I wish I did! I WANT to believe him, but I can't.

I've told him my only hope is that maybe someday down the track he'll have gotten his life together for himself, and he'll prove me wrong, and things will be different. He can't accept the idea of doing it alone.

On the other hand, I'm staying with my parents and they are just livid with him. I get the impression that if I was to ever return to the relationship they would cut me out.

I hate this so much. Some moments it feels like it would be so much easier to go back home. But I think I'm doing the right thing? Am I doing the right thing?!