Originally Posted by URTheQuarry

On Al-Anon, I did in fact seek out a local group when I first became aware that he might have a drinking problem, so this would've been three years ago now. Although I found the group very welcoming, at the time it seemed like there were a number of disincentives to going back regularly. First was feeling conspicuous in terms of the stories I heard while in the room - I wasn't yet being stolen from, verbally or physically abused, or about to file divorce papers. Secondly was how to communicate at home the fact that I was going - at the time, it seemed difficult to articulate without it seeming like a provocation. But maybe the most salient factor was the most mundane one; it didn't seem proportionate to continue to be going to Alanon during the ten or so months when he was in fact abstinent. Everything was fine as long as everything was fine, so to speak. In the interim I've also built up other interests of my own in the evenings which I'd feel would be important to maintain in order to guard against feelings of codependency arising.

Of course, I could very well have got this completely backwards, and it might well be that my need to get clarity and perspective from Alanon with regard to my own future vastly outweighs any awkwardness or inconvenience I might otherwise feel about going to the meetings. I suspect it would greatly enhance my bargaining position with my husband potentially returning to AA if I committed to going to Alanon in parallel, but again I don't know if I'm looking at this in a completely flawed way...