Adam, so glad you are here. This is a great place, with a lot of wise and experienced people who understand. I'm fairly new but reading and posting here has made a huge difference for me. I know it can for you too.
I too was not a sloppy drunk. In fact I hid the extent of my drinking really well, even from my husband. I got my work done, volunteered at church and school, on the outside I don't think anyone knew, but I was getting worse and worse, my life smaller and smaller, my fears greater. I didn't think I was "medicating" myself, but I realize that's just what it was... for depression and anxiety.
Have you been honest with your doctor or considered starting with a therapist ? I know you know it, but alcohol is not the answer. Life can be so much better. You don't have to go down the same road your relatives did.
You have the ability: Don't buy the alcohol, don't put it to your lips, don't pour it through your liver. You don't have to poison yourself. You can be healthy and strong. You deserve so much more than an endless round of drinking, recovering from drinking, hiding drinking, regretting drinking.
Read around here and post often! We understand and want to help.