What a great insight, honeypig! I'm so happy you are finding a way to let go! Great image to use when feeling "haunted."
I recently had to also deal with ghosts: but friendly ghosts, which was almost as painful. My mother used to send me for a few weeks in the summertime to stay with my great aunt at her summer cottage. It was an oasis away from the chaotic home front. I spent summers there from the time I was about 7 years told until my great aunt died at 92 when I was 21.
I was so attached to the memories of that idyllic life that I became obsessed with the memories. I would pine over never being able to own the cottage (my mother sold it shortly after my aunt died); when Google street view came out, I would look at it frequently to make sure no one was tampering with it. I actually went there when I was driving through the area one time and visited the owners--which was a very happy experience because they had barely touched it in 40 years. I had frequent dreams and nightmares about developers going through and tearing it down.
I recently saw a little house for sale that reminded me of the summer cottage, and I was obsessed with the thought of buying it. I am seriously considering moving to that area within the next year. The little house was extremely cheap, but more importantly, it looked so much like my aunt's cottage, inside and out. I was devastated when I saw someone had bought it.
My aha was realizing that those memories are mine and that I can recreate the experience in my life without having to carry around this heavy burden of obsession with the house itself. I can create the simple life my aunt gifted me. I think going forward, when I do buy another house, I don't have to try to relive the past. My next step doesn't have to be a stone fireplace, or timber vaulted ceilings that smell of salt, or Craftsman windows and wide porches. I can make my own "present" with the peace, serenity, beauty, simplicity, love and creativity that were the true hallmarks of my summers. What I left behind in 1972 when my aunt died is within my grasp today, because it wasn't about the house, it was about the experience she created, and I can do that. So no more seeking a "child" to replace the one that "died." Life goes forward.
Thanks so much for posting this.