No disrespect to anyone, but AA seems totally dangerous to me
I was all psyched to get to a meeting today and spent much of my evening last night and half of today researching AA and figuring out which meeting I would attend.
I have considered AA several times and balked at it before, for a number of reasons, and can honestly say that this time I approached it with a radically open mind and willingness to give it a try.
Whilst I can sense many of you rolling your eyes right now and assuming I am copping out, I can honestly say that I do not feel safe to go. It reeks of cultishness and as a single woman living in a city, I would feel extremely vulnerable going to AA. I want to focus on recovery and empowerment. I do not want to be stuck in meetings for decades pouring salt in to wounds multiple times a week with other addicts and made to feel like I have failed somehow if I left.
I totally respect anyone who has found healing and sobriety within this fellowship, sincerely. I personally however know it is not for me.
I understand there is SMART Recovery, for which I looked in my area for meetings today and found none. I am also unsure if this is the path to pursue.
I am researching Naltrexone which also seems to be booby trapped.
The closest I can figure as a treatment for helping me is GABA boosters such as Phenibut. Along of course, with some counselling to deal with the sh*t that is causing my internal pain of which I am self medicating with alcohol.
Has anyone had experience with Phenibut? Does anyone else feel the way I do and/or can recommend alternative treatments?
I have developed a basic understanding of brain biochemistry and the function neuro-transmitters as the result of successfully researching and coming off SSRI's in the past using 5-HTP. I would love to hear from anyone else with experience in this area or who is currently researching and wants to discuss this further.
Again, power to all of you who are safe and well from your involvement and commitment to yourselves and AA. I am simply seeking alternatives and being radically honest about my feelings, personal safety and considering my options.
Warm regards, RW