I thought I'd never forgive myself. I thought no one else would ever forgive me. I was in despair for months, thinking I'd never shake off the past. Constantly haunted by memories and regrets. I was going to AA, working the steps, going to treatment, doing all the right things. But I kept going, because people kept telling me it would get better, that the promises of AA would come true. I just put my faith in that. And you know what? Things have gotten better, over time. Do I still have regrets? Sure. I always will. Do I dwell on my past mistakes and hate myself because of them? Not anymore. Every sober day heals a little bit of the wounds. Every day that I do the right things (or apologize quickly if I don't) I feel better about myself, and the people I thought would never forgive me begin to do so.
Give it time, jellybean. It does get better. Just stick to sobriety. And remember that you are not defined by your past mistakes.