I hear ya.
This addiction thing is so isolating. Focus on your needs.....emotional and physical and spiritaul. Do you have some people you can lean on? That was very hard for me at first but I think that has helped very much. I found a home meeting group (after attending 6 that just didn't feel right), started a book club with women I liked and wanted to get to know better (I told them that was the criteria), am exercising and try to get regular massage, and pray/ meditate daily. That is enough for me to do. It still hurts. It hurts a lot. But sharing with others helps me get through. It also occasionally jogs me out of my reality and into the restof the world where the air is lighter. The best thing about self care is that your daughters will benefit so much from having a stronger mommy.
warmly,
Reikihelps