I did die- 3 times. My family disowned me that same night. I have constant punishing thoughts. My answer is to throw as much energy into my recovery as I did in drinking. The goal- acceptance, letting go- self love 9I hate that last one). Lots of posts here, rehab perhaps, psychologist, lots of meetings ,lots of journal writing, lots of research, gp, addiction counselling, budgeting- everything.