Originally Posted by
melki 
No judgment here, I'm in perfect agreement that we're all damaged and doing the best we can. I was curious to hear from Goat, I just used his own words to ask these questions. I may be way off here, but this self-flagellation does not seem constructive, and I hope it comes with ownership for the choices and the way you're being treated. But in the end you're right, only you two know the full extent of what goes on there, and you're the ones to live it. I wish you the healthiest path forward possible.
I am having to come to terms with some facts about my behavior that I *really* did not want to look too closely at, and when I saw it really did not want to admit to.
It took me some time to change my self-image from the fantasy construction I had used for most of my life to a more constructive, realistic image.
Despite my best efforts to hide the fact from myself, I can now admit that I am extremely arrogant. To the point that the way I phrase many otherwise harmless statements turns them into a condescending insult. When this was first pointed out to me I was angry. How could someone think I was arrogant or condescending? But... The truth is the truth.
I am working on this. I have been working on it for long enough that I certainly feel different on the inside... But I still need more work on how I come across to others.
There is a lot more I am working on... I have a tendency to be passive-aggressive and I also have such a fear of conflict that I tend to shut down conversations before they have a chance to start... I am absolutely working on that. I am well past the point where I was upset to learn these things about myself, and I am now well into becoming more mindful of my behavior and changing it.
To some extent these seem like things I probably should have worked on and fixed years ago... But... I am not going to look back and beat myself up about that (anymore).