Yes, I have. I've told him what I want and I've asked him what he wants. He won't engage in any kind of meaningful conversation with me at all. He'll pick fights about imaginary things (today he was angry because he assumed I'd not done something we agreed I would do yesterday: I had done it, and when I said, 'no, hey, I took care of that,' then he's STILL angry. ) The man has a right to be angry - but I suspect it's easier for him to be angry because he imagines I forgot to put fuel in the car than it is for him to tell me he's angry because I emotionally abandoned him and had an affair with a wine bottle. So I don't think we're dealing with the real issue, and while I want to listen to him, I'm also not willing to allow myself to become his punchbag over some largely imaginary domestic slights.
I've told him I care, that I am committed, that I am willing to listen and willing to go to therapy. He gets angry because he imagines how terrible his life will be when we divorce. He tells me what I am going to do, how terrible it is going to be, and how angry he with me about it. I can't work with that: can't deal with something I haven't done.
I've told him I accept that he's angry and that he can't trust what I do or say, can't trust my intentions, and can't trust how things will be for us in the future. I'm stumped as to what else I can do.
Thank you for the reply.