Originally Posted by ToyotaMan1991

Hello,

I posted back about a year or two ago when I first joined this forum. Basically back then was 24,25 years old and had been drinking 6-12 beers daily on a daily basis since March of 2011. I stopped a while as I was visting this site, and like an idiot, stopped visiting this site then I relapsed.

My alcoholism took a turn for the worse earlier this year. In March, I was drunk driving and I fell asleep behind the wheel. Arrested for DWI in my state of New York. Since then, I got a plea deal offered to reduce the charge to spare me of a criminal record, and have been attending a twice a week DWI program at a outpatient treatment program that focuses on people like me with similar issues.

Unfortunately, I found a way to be an idiot and I got aorund the system. Get drug tested every monday so would go and out get loaded every wednesday and Thursday. Have not been caught doing it, but what's happening recently has made me officially give up.

I'm tired of getting drunk. I've balooned to 231 pounds and 5 foot 10. I was initially 205 at this height. I need to lose weight. It has been hard for me to take summer classes and my memory feels shot. I now feel dumb the day after drinking (frequently get black outs) and like my brain is mush. My anxiety is high. I can't concentrate. My heart pounds out of its chest. I smoke cigarettes when I drink. My skin looks older, redder and I feel it is wearing my body down mentally.

Today, June 21st, 2017 is the day I am forever done with drinking and I mean it for real this time. I got a medical test last month 3 days after my last binge and my AST was 37 (under 40) and ALT was 30 (under 35 so OK). I would assume from this my liver is OK, but won't be for long if I keep this up.

I will never touch a drop of alcohol again. I just took a computer programming midterm for my summer programming class in NYC and my brain felt shot the entire time thanks to last night. I also feel anxious and like I'm in a daze. This alcohol is messing me up. I'm done for good and I will post here every time I feel weak and want to go back.

Please help me. I know I have a problem. I know I should have learned wtih my DWI. Being that my blood work was OK last month I assume I would be ok (per pending I don't keep drinking) and that my body will heal over time at 26. I'm also looking forward to the alcohol free days and the weight loss hear comes off over time as you stay sober.

I feel dumb and hung over still as I write this. But I've had it. When I drink I go into a spiral depression and thinking about killing myself- feeling like a failure as a senior in college in undergrad at 26. I work a low end retail job to make some extra bucks. But one thing is clear. I will not have a successful life, have a family, make lots of money if I keep drinking.

Today is day one, and I feel scared, powerless, helpless and like my brain is mush. But I hope things get better and I'll do whatever it takes.

Knowing alcohol is bad on the body, I'm taking a high dose of Milk Thistle that I bought today and 200MG of a B Vitamin complex I bought at CVS. Figured this should help me in my recovery.

Any advice? Is this normal to feel this way? I'm terrified to live life currently and I've had enough of being a drunk.