I have no idea what you guys are talking about but I liked it anyways.
FBL congrats, that is AWESOME!! 8 years!!
Courage you are so funny.
I really liked the solitude of the farm, but towards the end of living there it was awful how much blind panic someone driving onto our yard or knocking on our door caused. I would literally hit the floor and crawl to a room where I knew no one could look in and see me.
This wasn't just because of the drinking, I really don't think it would have been much different sober. I had had our van repossessed one morning after the kids went to school.
I was glad that it had happened down our grid road, where no one was there to see ( my van had slid partway off the road because it was muddy and was stuck there). It rates right up there as one of the most awful experiences I think I've ever had. It was a long, tearful walk of shame back to the farm house down that muddy road.
I think that's probably when my drinking started to get really bad. I was in so much fear that they would come and take more things away. Threaten me. Sue me. Arrest me. Being so drunk or even going through cold turkey detoxes was so much better than the fear I felt living out those days semi-drunk or sober.
Anyways, It's different now. I don't fear so much people knocking on my door and I just block creditors that call. I think I've rationalized with myself that they're not going to arrest me for my debts, lol. I still screen calls and don't answer unknown numbers. but my anxiety levels have gone down considerably. Even if they did end up taking the farm too.
The AC guy finally came. It was not the end of the world and the kids played outside nicely. They are coming back tomorrow to hopefully finish, I pulled most of the pool stuff out but they can work around the rest of it.
The thing I dislike the most is that I know the residential tenancies act inside and out, as I was a tenant for a decade and a landlord for I don't know, 3 or 4 years I can't remember now. Of 2 different properties. So I know what they are doing wrong. They are required to give me 24 hours notice to come into the premises. Would be bloody nice if they'd do that just ONCE. But no, they give a number of hours notice only.
I should just say something already, but again I just fear confrontation and and the fact that this is not MY home so I don't want to give them reason to evict me. I know logically they won't, I'm a model tenant which is hard to come by in this city. Or anywhere really. But all this stuff from the past sticks with me. I have kept things good here, I would like to keep it that way.
I just want my privacy and I have very little of it here, between my landlords popping in and out and being attached to one neighbour and squished in beside the other. That's one thing I really miss is having privacy without having to be holed up in my house.
Rambling again... I'm sick today so I feel like one big cotton ball from the neck up.
My body has just had enough, I'm tired and need rest. I'm poking along at what I need to do to not have to do so much on my days off.
Not going to drink today though.