Thank you argillaceous. Hugs back!!!!
It is so powerful to have support from folks like you after taking this decision, and it is amazing how much people will support you once you are honest and open about your situation. I hid everything for years and felt so alone and isolated.
When they say alcoholism is a family disease, I think this is what they mean. The shame spreads all around and it is easy to want to keep things quiet to avoid embarrassment. In my case, I kept quiet because I feared people saying, "My God, what are you waiting for? Haven't you been debased enough already?" In the back of my mind, I thought it was possible to get back to earlier times when we were happy if things just hit a low enough point, especially because my husband kept promising that. I'm sure my teen daughter wanted to avoid embarrassment from her friends, even as she became inured to our constant fighting over alcohol.
Now that I'm telling everyone the truth, the support is coming from everywhere. I have two insider leads on jobs so I can insure my daughter and myself. My parents are pitching in. And several wealthy friends have even offered to help us out monetarily (not that I would accept as I feel newly confident of being able to manage without my alcoholic).
And as I write this, my alcoholic is moaning at the top of his lungs lying on the couch in the basement. It's 2 a.m. here! He knows now I am serious about this and has not once prompted himself to get off the couch and help me get the house ready to sell after CREATING this crisis situation by quitting his job last week and telling me he was leaving us for our own good. Of course, he has not left. I have been working from wake-up to midnight for days to get house ready and apply for jobs.
He had the nerve to tell me his AA group said I was "toxic" and should leave me and our daughter his job for his sanity. When I called him on it and said we should immediately file for divorce and put the house on the market, he suddenly got "sick" and "suicidal." I have realtors coming in two days and am giving a retainer to a divorce lawyer Friday. Suddenly, I am a huge villain and it is my constant "berating of him" that is the cause of our break-up.
Sorry for rambling. I'm in the middle of this, but I appreciated your post. Alcoholics sure are good manipulators, though. My husband has found it very convenient to suddenly cast himself as a victim of me after creating all of this chaos for years. Wow, I couldn't STOP him from drinking with all of my powers, but somehow I forced all that drink down his throat when I didn't even know I was doing it. I'm amazing!