I want to thank everyone who responded to the post because I see that many of you are recovering, some of you for years,and I have hope for my daughter that my husband will one day recover as well and re-establish a meaningful relationship with her. I have so many great memories of the two of them together when she was small...he was such an amazing dad then. She would crawl into bed with him every weekend while he let me sleep in and they would play all sorts of games. I remember one where the bed was a big boat and she and my husband would pretend all sorts of things: there was a big storm and they had to roll this way or that to avoid being capsized, or a shark was circling the boat and they had to figure out what to do. He was so creative and fun and loving with her.
For years, though, he has been totally hands-off and sporadic in his engagement. One day, he was attentive and trying to be super-dad. For weeks on end, though, he closed himself off in the basement and didn't even acknowledge her. I ignored a lot of this and tried to fill in the gaps, attempting to hold us all together. Well, that's done.
It's good to know, though, that this misdirected post helped some, and even better that some dads realize what a bullet they are dodging. I'm not really sure that my daughter, now almost 15, will be able to trust her dad again easily, even if he recovers. She is a different personality type than me...very self-protecting and wary once you hurt her. In a way, I envy that; in another, it worries me about what she is suppressing.
Anyway, for dads out there, realize your daughters look to you as their male role models. Be good ones and love them before it is too late.