When I finally realized that my son would not change, I knew that "I" would have to be the one to do it, or continue living in that addiction hell that I knew too well.
I found a meeting and made myself go, promising myself that even if I didn't like the meeting I would commit to it until I found some other form of support. I liked it from day one, those people "understood" me and had been where I was. I will always be grateful for those who went before me.
Slowly I learned a better way to live, slowly I learned that "I" did not have to be a victim of my son's addiction, I could be a survivor and move forward in my life.
I learned that nothing I did or said would change him, but that over time I could learn to change myself into someone I liked and who I hadn't seen for an awfully long time. I could reclaim my life and live well...regardless of how my son was doing.
It wasn't easy, but neither was living with addiction. It was hard some days, but I had harder days before. One day at a time I found joy, real feels good kinda joy, and I found light and hope and began to live my own recovery.
I am so sorry she continues to live in her addiction world....but you don't have to. Think about that. You CAN find a better path just for yourself, it's okay to get healthy even if she doesn't.
Stick around, find a meeting, and maybe just begin with one day of living differently. You may find it leads to many more.
Hugs