Finding a secret message in a necklace from my deceased mother
My mother was an alcoholic. The worst kind. She did eventually quit drinking and got her 36 year medal in AA. Even tho she quit drinking, the crazy acting never stopped.
I will spare you the details since all of you know what life is like with an alcoholic. But, all my life I loved her. I longed for her to love me. My sister 10 yrs younger than me, left and hated her. Talked terrible about her.
I did manage to move a couple hours away from mom. I wanted to be closer and hope for some kind of relationship where she was accepting of me and I of her. We did have a strained relationship. I was the one strained. But, I loved her. I wanted her.
November 4th she passed away suddenly. I was devastated. But I thank God the last words she heard me say were, "I love you mom".
Here it is half a year later and I still struggle with going through her things. Tonight I found a necklace with a little prayer box. I held my breath as I opened the box and read the prayer. It said, "That Mary (my sister) and her children (her grandchildren) would love her."
They never did.
This really tears me up. This hurt my mother so much, that my sister left her and never wanted anything to do with her.
My sister and mother never made up. This little prayer in that little box just breaks my heart so much.
I know that my mother is half to blame if not mostly to blame. But, we are all adults.
Alanon taught me, "let it begin with me". I am the one that reached out to my mother first after years of abuse.
I am thankful I did. No matter how bad a parent is, knowing you did the right thing is what will carry you through their death.
My sister does not want anything to do with me either. So I let it go.
It's just so unbelievably sad how alcohol destroys everything and everyone around it.