I really related to your anger in that first post, around why do you keep drinking when you know how much it damages your life. Beating yourself up over that.
This might sound strange as a possible answer, it did to me when I first heard it, but sometimes it isn't that we drink despite all the damage it does, but rather we drink because of the damage it does. If it wasn't alcohol we might use drugs, or gambling, or any number of other risky activities that can lead to us confirming the negative beliefs we have about ourselves.
I have no idea if that's going on with you. But I believe that was part of my own drinking issues. I don't think it's a coincidence that I grew up believing there was something wrong with me and I'd never have any lasting relationships, and then I went on to destroy many potential lasting relationships through alcohol. Proving myself right.
I didn't do this consciously, of course. Why would I deliberately do something to make my life worse? But it was a pattern I repeated over and over again. This is all stuff I've learned since embarking on my own counselling journey.
Counselling isn't instead of having a solid, practical, day to day plan for how to keep yourself from drinking (I didn't use AA, went with AVRT, these forums, and Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol), but as a way to help you achieve the goals you've set yourself, I think it's something you might want to consider if you haven't already.