Can I just say something and try really hard not to come across as criticizing?
A LOT of us are really sensitive and/or defensive really early on in recovery. And angry. And frustrated.
And a lot of us have many ideas of what we want to do to fix this problem that we have, and we are still stuck in some addictive thinking.
A lot of us have come here and struggled our way to sober time through a lot of trial and error.
You may or may not as well.
Nobody wants you to keep drinking and beating the hell out of yourself. Or your addiction.
I resisted so many ways to get sober before I heard ALL these things 1000+ times and things started to make sense to me, click together in my head.
I stopped being indignant. I realized even with all the reading and researching and attempts I did to do it on my own or do it a certain way, I was surely failing every time.
BUT. Where you're at, where I was once at too, is a step, a part of the process of change. There's going to be resistance. To yourself, to others, to processes, to the changes. What are you going to do? You resist resistance- just perpetuating the problem. Resistance squared. Haha.
I stopped resisting the urge to fight or give in. I just accepted, it is what it is.
It's a thought- not a thing. It's not a demand for reaction. It's a call for alternate, positive action. What we have is a choice. The sticking point is always the choice. You choose to draw the line in the sand and figure out what it takes to keep yourself on the right side of that line.
Resistance is futile
Acceptance is freeing.
We figure it out by learning from many who've come before us.
The best research we can do is try on different methods of recovery to see what suits us best. We put relevant and helpful tools in our own recovery toolbox.
We shut our mouths for a bit and open our eyes and ears.
Sobriety is a lot different than recovery too.
Everyone here, wants everyone to be successful, happy and healthy in recovery.
Every time someone has that big or little connection of the dots, and shares it here, for themselves, for the community, for the newcomers, it's a win for us all.
Anyways, I ramble. This is some of what worked for me.
I was hardcore, anti-AA when I first started out in this recovery thing.
What has worked for me is a mixture of addictions counseling, a native-spiritual based day program, 6 week's womens inpatient treatment, 2 years of AA and now NA as well. I stay connected here on SR and with program buddies when I can. NA is now my home group and where I have my sponsor. I relate a lot more to the stepwork of NA and the literature is much in depth for me.
For me, recovery is freedom. Sobriety as a standalone is kind of a lonely place. To me, anyways.
Triggers be damned. All of life is a trigger to me. I made it through some really rough times throughout this first half year of my recovery. Nothing could make me drink no matter how awful I felt. I put in the legwork. I knew I wanted to get out the other side stronger than go back to the hell that I was in when I was drinking.
I never would have had the knowledge or tenacity to be able to do that if I hadn't started listening and doing the internal work I needed to do, and that I learned from the many great people in the recovery community.
I have faith with your determination that absolutely, you will find the right path for yourself and the serenity that will come with it if you're living your best life.
Keep on keeping on! And be kind to yourself. Like everyone else has said, no matter what and no matter what path you find works for you, you are definitely worth it.