SmallButMighty

It took me years to be able to leave. I loved my alcoholic husband and the family we created. I felt trapped by that love and concern for all of them.

I found SoberRecovery Friends&Family, which lead me to a book called Codependent No More. Both these things helped me save myself, from myself.

It wasn't a matter of just "dropping" him. I'd been hanging on by my fingernails for a long time. I'd developed a severe anxiety disorder with a side order of insomnia. I was a zombie at work and a basket case at home. My mind never stopped spinning and my chest never stopped hurting. I was constantly scared or angry. I was never happy and sometimes I drank too much. I realized this was not healthy. This shell of a woman was not who I used to be.. was not who I was meant to be.... BUT.... if I stayed with him I was going to spend the rest of my life in that state and I could not bear the thought of it.

I left a 26year relationship to the man I loved because I deserved to be happy and healthy and that was never going to happen for me in a marriage to an alcoholic (who had no true intention of finding recovery) Oh he was happy to lie, deceive, sneak and make false promises... but that behavior just drove me further around the bend.

I was no longer willing to live with active addiction in my life. That is my ultimate boundary. I hold firm to that still, Ive lost friends and family because of it, but never again will I allow that chaos in my life.

I changed because he wasn't willing or wanting to. It wasn't easy. It hurt me, him, our kids, families and friends. But I did not deserve to live in hell along side of someone else who was choosing to do so.

He chose to stay sick. I chose to get healthy. We wanted different things in life. It was for the best that we parted.

Strength, clarity and good luck to you!