thanks for the response purple knight. I get what your saying. lately me and my wife have been talking more about me being sober and I keep telling her I wanted to get a year in. Shes like why would you stay sober for a year then drink again that would be stupid. well..i know that would be stupid but for some reason I still down deep have to have a back door escape route. That's the mentality I'm wanting to shut down. I do feel like if I could get a year under my belt I will be thinking different. These are the issues where I think AA meetings would be benifical but I just cant bring myself to jump into that.