I am divorcing my drunk!
I cannot tell you guys how many times I have read here and commiserated with you all before signing up tonight. I took today to share my decision with my family and friends, and have not felt so sane in three years. It felt so good to be honest after so long. In the past two years, my alcoholic husband has:
* Gotten a second DUI in ten years while *on the way* to pick up my then 12-year-old from ballet.
* After narrowly avoiding a child endangerment charge by not having my daughter in the car, proceeded to learn no lesson and continued drinking. During a two-month period in which we had no insurance, I attempted to help him "taper" (his idea), measuring out alcohol in smaller and smaller doses. He claimed to be "cured" twice, although I continued to find suspicious empty bottles all over the house.
* Following the last such ******** "cure," my husband went to serve his DUI jail time. He seized within 12 hours and was transferred to the ER.
* That ER visit turned into a month-long hospital stay. Two weeks of it consisted of life-threatening DTs. Liver CTs showed significant scarring and fatty liver fibrosis. I was told he might not make it. He was ventilated numerous times and developed pneumonia. He spent three of four weeks in the ICU, racking up a $150,000 bill.
*Upon discharge from the hospital, my husband needed physical therapy to relearn walking and cognitive therapy because he developed "wet brain" syndrome. He suffered from multiple psychoses for weeks even after release, believing he knew various nurses from 20 years ago in previous towns where we resided and other such nonsense.
*Promptly lost his job after the hospital stay, remained unemployed for five months, and then quit the lower-paying job he eventually managed to secure three months later because "they were going to fire me anyway." This man once earned $250K a year and was at the top of his field.
*Even after all of this, I continue to stumble upon empty vodka bottles all over the house. My husband apparently went to AA and pretended to be "on the program" throughout.
*Now won't get off the couch. Stares into space and says he is "sick." I have no idea if he is still drinking because I refuse to lower myself to looking anymore. With no job and no income coming in, we are now forced to sell the house ASAP. He won't even help me to get it "show ready," explaining that my daughter and I are better off without him and should expect nothing from in the future.
There is more. I left out the tears. The angry swearing and fighting. The begging and pleading for him to get help before he hurt himself and his child any more. The threats. The Al-Anon visits. The ultimate frustrating and devastating realization that there was NOTHING in my power--and I think of myself as a powerful person--I could do to make this person stop.
Alcoholism defies any rational explanation and it is clear that for some people, there is no bottom low enough. My husband now finally believes I am divorcing him because I have told my family, friends, church, even the mail man. I can't live with this a second longer.
The newest twist is that he is now threatening suicide and won't get up off the couch to assist in helping sell the (second) house he lost us to his addiction. I feel for him and his depression, but it is hard to trust that it isn't just another lie and manipulation.
Anyone in the early stages of this with a mate: Get out. Get out now. It just gets worse and all innocent bystanders get mowed over. Repeatedly.