ozm8ty, it reads like your putting conditions on sobriety.
IF a whole lot.
i cant answer If all that will get better, but i can guarantee something:
WHEN you quit and start learning how to live life on lifes terms, you will have a great life regardless if that improves or not.
IF you dont quit, alcohol WILL kill you.
you dont screw up because you go back to moderate drinking.you say later youre a semi- heavy drinker. thats not moderate drinking.
you screw up,imo, because you havent decided you want to be sober more than you want to drink
AND havent become willing to go to ANY lengths for victory over alcohol.