SO many times I've quit and thought I could control my drinking, moderate...after I had been sober for a while. The first time I quit drinking, I thought I would experiment...just see if I could drink again...maybe I wasn't as bad as I thought I was. We all know how that turned out. It was years before I got sober again. Still, after some time...I began thinking the same...I'll just have a glass of wine with dinner, or I'll just have one and get back on the wagon tomorrow.
I've spent nights in jail...OMG, how demoralizing. If anyone who knows me were to see me in such a state, they'd be shocked! I shocked myself! Did it stop me from drinking? For a while...but I continued to go right back down the rabbit whole until I accepted that I have no control over my decisions and behavior when I drink. If I drink, I am powerless.
I am SO grateful to have found my way out of the darkness again.