That's a good list 161261. Very honest and true.
Like you, I could stay sober for weeks, even months but every time I did start drinking again, I would always drink alcoholically (I think that is a word. My computer hasn't underlined it in red so it must be a word. And even if it isn't a word, it's definitely a thing. Drinking repeatedly until you pass out is definitely a thing).
This time, I've been sober for 7.5 months and it feels very different because I know for certain that I'm only one drink away from everything crashing down. It's kind of comforting finally accepting that. I don't have any negotiations or debates inside my own head anymore. I've made the decision and I'm sticking to it. It makes life much easier once you accept you can never drink again. After that, you just got to take it one day at a time. And the way my life is now, there's no way I'm ever going back to drinking. Life is becoming awesome.
This place has really helped me stay sober for so long. Please stick around and use support from others to help you this time around. With your honest style of writing, you'd be helping countless others too. Good luck 161261. Make this time different from all the other times.