Hey peeps....
So.....Things are going pretty well. Or they were until yesterday. For some reason, I woke up yesterday in withdrawals. It went on all day yesterday, and for some reason. I have them again today, too. I am not sure what is going on, or if this is like that PAWS thing or something. All I know is I am super frustrated and disheartened by it. Man, I thought that the wds and stuff were behind me now. For the most part. I still have that confused, can't think straight thing really bad, and I don't sleep like a normal person. But, I am getting some things done that I've put off for a long time, and I am eating good. Too good actually. If I keep this up, I am going to turn into a pork chop.
I should clarify something......When I had my teeth done, the dentist didn't give me any hydro. He did give me pain pills, but they were low mgs, and not a medication that I used to get high on, a med I don't even like. I knew he was going to do that, and I could have asked for hydro and he would have given them to me, but I didn't. I didn't want to scratch that itch. I just left it alone. I didn't over take the ones he did give me, and I only took it for 4 days. I also stopped taking the Xanax before the surgery, and I quit smoking prior to surgery, too. So, I have been clean off everything, and I started to feel pretty good. Then, the wds came back yesterday. Why?? I'm not doing ANYTHING. I haven't smoked a cig in about 2 weeks. It's been 11 days today since my last Xanax, and 7 since my last pain pill. But, I wasn't taking pills prior to surgery. Except for the slip up I had that I told you guys about, I have been clean. So, I dunno what's up. Just hope it goes away soon.
Also, something else weird. I feel all the time lately like I am waiting for something. I feel anxious and I'll wander my house, going from room to room, searching for something. But I'm not really looking for anything. I feel, too, like I am in some sort of holding pattern. Like I am stuck and need to do something but can't figure out what that something is. I know it's the wds, but I don't know how to stop doing it. My thoughts are always so fast and scattered these days. And all over the place. Did anyone else feel this way?? Or am I completely off the reservation??
Anyways, enough whining. All in all, things aren't so bad. I'm not using. I have a little money in the bank, my bills are paid, and I have food in the fridge. I guess I shouldn't bitch too much, right?? It's just that I still don't feel like me, and I am starting to wonder if I ever will. That being said, I am still much happier than I was. Things are getting better. It's just SO slow.
I hope everyone is doing okay. You all are such a big part of this process for me, and I have no idea what I would do without all of you. Thank you for being here.
Love you guys.